3 Ways to Talk About your Hidden Disability to your Colleagues
Talking about your hidden disability to colleagues can feel like the most anxiety-inducing thought, especially when you may be worried about how they might react or concerned they may then think of you and your ability differently. Or even worse, start treating you differently. These are all very real concerns and like with anything, there is always the possibility that this could happen.
A good thing to remember is that you are in complete control of exactly what you want to share about your disability and how you share it.
How do you talk about your hidden disability with your colleagues from a place of confidence and empowerment? Being honest but positive is a good approach, so here are some top tips to make it feel a lot easier!
Write it down!
Not only does this help you get it all clear in your own head, creating clarity about what you need, it’s a written record that you can share with anyone to help them understand your disability better. It means your colleagues know what to expect and you will feel more comfortable asking for help as they will have more awareness.
Things to include may be honesty about how your disability may affect you at times, your strengths, boundaries and reasonable adjustments you would like to be put in place. Simply put, anything you feel is important that you would like to share with your colleagues, put in this document! But share as much as you feel comfortable with, because you don’t have to share information that makes you feel emotionally vulnerable.
You could even finish it off with, “If you would like to know more about this condition…” and some links for resources where people can learn more.
Communicate your boundaries
Let people know what you need when problems arise, or in anticipation of them. This might include leaving work at the right time, not responding to emails out of hours or asking people to slow down/repeat words.
Be firm about not over running or booking in work and/or meetings outside of your working hours. It’s hard to switch off, especially with emails on our phone or if we work from home, so put an out of office on your emails so you don’t feel the pressure to reply, communicating with everyone that you’ve got the email, and will get back to them when you’re back ‘in the office.’ Put your working hours on there, and an email they can contact if it’s urgent or not your job to deal with!
We all struggle with people who talk fast, use long and complicated sentences for fun, so there is no harm in stopping someone and asking for clarity, to slow down, or to send notes after the conversation. It shows you want to be engaged, that you’re listening to them, that you’re taking what they have to say seriously, which can only ever be a positive.
Don’t be afraid to reinforce boundaries if you feel they are not being listened to consistently. If someone is consistently crossing boundaries, it is absolutely the professional thing to do to arrange a meeting with that person to discuss.
You can also be confident asking for instructions in writing. For example, “Thanks for the information, please can you get that to me in an email so I can double check I’ve understood your instructions.”
When you communicate your boundaries, there is more understanding between you and your colleagues that makes for stronger work relationships and less frustration on both ends.
When people already know what your boundaries are, it can reduce anxiety because you will have the reassurance that your colleagues know what to expect and what you need in order for you to deliver for the team.
Ask for help
It’s okay to ask questions. If you don’t understand something or you need more clarity/support, ask in a formal way. Examples of this could be:
“Hi (Colleague), I’ve been set this work by (Manager) and I know this is your area of expertise, could you spare half an hour later in the week to give me some feedback before I finish it.”
“Hi (Colleague), you offered your support on X project. If you have the time to join us this week I would appreciate your thoughts.”
“Hi (Colleague), you talked about this in the meeting, would you mind expanding on this as this is an area I am interested in.”
“Hi (Colleague), my brain fog is in full force today/ high pain day today/ imposter syndrome/ if you have capacity could you read through this document and give it a proofread?”
Many people find it difficult to ask for help as they can be worried colleagues will question their knowledge or expertise. But we are all a work in progress, we are all lifelong learners, and in every job, it is important to ask questions so you can learn the aspects of the job you’re not yet sure about, develop your knowledge and gain clarity on what is required. It also makes others more comfortable to ask questions if they need anything from you.
Feeling comfortable enough to ask for support from your team and vice versa, giving support, is an essential component to a successful and productive team. It may be difficult at first if asking for help doesn’t come easy to you, but the more you do it, the easier it will become, and the more you will build on your working relationships. Before you know it, it will be the most natural thing to ask for help!
If you would like more guidance on things like talking about your hidden disability to your colleagues, why not pop along to our next online Career Clinic in January? You can ask any questions at all about your career in a supportive environment. We would be more than happy to help.