Career Grief, How I found my dream job after diagnosis.
When we think about grief, we typically think of it in relation to the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship. However, there’s a type of grief that often goes unacknowledged and unaddressed – career grief. This type of grief is experienced by disabled and/or chronically ill people who are forced to give up their dreams of pursuing a particular career. Career grief is the process of mourning a life you could have had.
Understanding Career Grief
I first went through career grief at the age of 16 when I looked up how to get into my dream career- Disaster Management. The people flown in with the army or Red Cross to manage the relief effort after terror attacks and natural disasters. Entry-level jobs required a degree, and physical wellness was required for the roles I wanted to do. I was undiagnosed then, but I knew my body would never be capable of doing the specific role I wanted in this industry.
I felt a sense of loss, frustration, and disappointment- like I was not living up to my full potential- and that my condition was holding me back. Career grief can be just as intense and painful as any other type of grief. Sadness, anger, resentment, depression, even guilt and shame- it was like a tidal wave over the next four years as I figured out how to find my feet.
One of the main struggles of processing this loss was where I placed the blame, like many of the narratives around invisible illnesses, I placed the blame of not being able to pursue this dream on my own shoulders. Was I just not doing enough to overcome my condition? Was I to blame for my inability to join this career? Of course, I know now that it wasn’t my fault, but when society is blaming you for your inability to join the job market, it’s hard not to internalise that narrative.
Causes of Career Grief
There are various reasons why someone may experience career grief. Some of the most common causes include:
Discrimination: Disabled people often face discrimination in the workplace, which can limit our career opportunities and make it difficult for us to achieve our goals.
Physical Limitations: Certain physical limitations may make it impossible for individuals to pursue certain careers. For example, as someone with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Postural Tachycardia, I couldn’t be jumping out of airplanes or in stressful situations for long periods of time.
Financial Constraints: Many disabled people may not have the financial resources to pursue certain careers, particularly those that require extensive training or education.
Lack of Support: Disabled people may not receive the support we need from family, friends, or society, which can make it difficult to pursue our desired careers.
Coping with Career Grief
Coping with career grief can be a challenging process, but if you’re experiencing it there are steps that you can take to manage your grief and move forward. Some strategies that may be helpful include:
Seeking support: Seeking support from family, friends, or a professional counsellor. Talking about your feelings and experiences can help you process your grief and find new coping methods.
Finding new passions: While it can be difficult to let go of a dream career, new passions and interests can bring meaning and fulfilment. You may also be able to find alternative career paths that align with your interests and abilities. What was it about that initial career that excited you? Can you find that element in other places?
Advocating for change: Work to advocate for change in the workplace and society. By raising awareness about the challenges faced by disabled people in the workplace, you can help create more inclusive and supportive environments. You don’t have to go as far as I did (Launching SIC!), but sometimes feeling like you’re making a difference for yourself and others can bring the joy that comes with a fulfilling career.
I took apart my first dream career and analysed it- what was it about that specific job and industry that made me feel so excited? I loved the idea of helping people, my brain thrives in stressful situations. I’m a strategic thinker, but also love using creativity to solve problems. I liked the idea of fresh, new, exciting problems that would allow me to learn new things- I’m also a really good people manager.
Using these traits as a guide has helped me shape a career for myself that I absolutely love. I co-founded SIC, which allows me to help people. Being an entrepreneur also means I get to think strategically, but also use my creativity and problem-solving skills- and there are enough stressful situations that I get my fill of those!
It’s also important to remember that one job doesn’t have to fill all of your criteria. I love mentoring-helping people gain confidence and build their dream careers- but I also get huge joy, passion and energy from taking on small projects and new challenges just for me- either as a hobby, like writing a book, or as a freelancer. It keeps things fresh and exciting, where I learn skills and meet people I wouldn’t have otherwise, which often ends up supporting my work at SIC!
Career grief is a complex and often overlooked type of grief experienced by disabled people. It’s a process of mourning a life you could have had, including a career, if not for being disabled and/or chronically ill. Coping with career grief can be challenging, but by seeking support, finding new passions, and advocating for change, it is possible to learn to manage grief and find new ways to move forward.