My Career and M.E: Finding A New Passion After Job Burnout
The first time I heard of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), was when I discovered a friend in high school had it. He was so exhausted that he had to take extended amounts of time off school, yet I still didn’t realise how debilitating it is and the countless other symptoms it has.
The second time I heard of ME/CFS was when I followed @alihemsley on Instagram. If you’re unfamiliar with her, she’s an activist within the chronic illness community who raises awareness of life with invisible disabilities, including ME/CFS. She’s also the creator of the “what you see vs what you don’t see” photo trend, which gives an insight into all the invisible symptoms people experience with their illness/disability.
The final time I heard of ME/CFS without fully understanding what it was, was May 2020, when I was diagnosed with it. In April 2018, my mum rushed me into hospital, where I was diagnosed with a kidney infection and sepsis. My GP suspects that this infection was the most likely cause of my chronic illness because I’ve never fully recovered from it.
Photo: Unsplash An overhead shot of a person asleep on their front on a bed with white sheets. The person has long brown hair and is wearing a grey t shirt.
Every aspect of my life has been affected by ME/CFS and its symptoms, including my career. My primary role has been within community pharmacy, a job where you’re on your feet all day and need to have total concentration 24/7 - not a good combination with severe fatigue and brain fog.
At first, I reduced my hours to a four day work week, which was fine until November 2020. Being on my feet all the time and dealing with an increase in workload was taking an enormous toll on my mind and body - I was making substantial mistakes, struggling to walk from one end of the room to the other, and on one occasion, I collapsed. It’s safe to say my condition was deteriorating.
I handed my first fit/sick note in on November 13th 2020. My employer dismissed me on January 4th 2021 - a great start to the year, right?
Thoughts running through my mind at the time: what am I going to do about my monthly expenses? Do I qualify for benefits? What career is suitable for my condition? How am I going to get relevant work experience? Will an employer even consider hiring me? Will I ever work again?
Some not so helpful things people said to me: when are you going back to work? What are you going to do about money? How long are you going to be unwell? Are you at least looking at jobs? How will you explain the gap in employment? If you’re not going back to work, are you going back to university?
I’m sure you can guess what my answer was to all those questions? “I don’t know.” Not only had I lost my job and income, but I’d also lost my independence, my daily routine and my sense of purpose. I couldn’t even get out of my pyjamas; I had no idea when I would be strong enough to re-enter the working world. There isn’t exactly an instruction manual on this sort of thing.
It’s now May 2021 and guess what? I’m still living in my pyjamas, but I’ve managed to tackle some of those difficult questions. Who knew that personal independence payment (PIP) assessments were scarier than most interviews, huh? I’ve also started making small steps to going back to work one day.
Going back into pharmacy will probably never be an option because I can’t stand for long periods or concentrate 24/7. When I do head back to work, it will be in a completely different industry, which sounds scary (and believe me, it is), but there are various resources and options available to help me with this.
I’m looking to go back to university to study for a Masters in something I’m interested in and which will not severely impact my ME/CFS. I’m volunteering for a few hours per week in that area to gain relevant experience. I’m using a careers and course hub provided by Reed In Partnership, and I’m researching jobs I’d like to apply for and trying to learn the skills required.
For anyone in the same position as I am, please take things at your own pace. Only we know what’s best for our conditions, and putting ourselves first is the best thing we can do right now. You are not a failure because of your chronic illness/disability; it’s taken me four months to accept that, but it’s true.
Written by Kellie Smith